Poundage

Math quiz. What do you get when you add next to no exercise and constant eating? Give up? The answer is 18 pounds in as many weeks, that's what. Oh. My. God. I caught my reflection in the glass of my office building yesterday and didn't like what I saw. My backside looked like a pair of cantaloupes alternately pumping underneath my skirt like a 2-cylinder. If I don't watch it I'm going to have an ass you can rest your beer can on at parties.

As a first step, I've started to track what I eat in a food journal. It will help me be more mindful about my habits and avoid eating like a hobbit* (i.e. breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tea, scavenging the work kitchen, dinner, supper, before bedtime snack). No wonder stretchy clothing was at the top of my Christmas list this year.

Most importantly, I've injected some much-needed exercise into my routine - billable hours be damned. I still attend my Sunday morning service with Ditas (on the tennis court). I've also started to walk in the mornings once Kate and Jon are off to school. Since Kate has started swimming again I'll also cram my "baby got back" into suit and add some pool work with Kate on the weekends. I realize my new outlook may not last beyond the second trimester honeymoon period (since when did a honeymoon involve excessive belching and constipation?), but hopefully it will fend off this pound-a-week progression.

And here I am at 20 weeks.

In other news, my nails are looking fabulous!

[*ED - decided to look up the real hobbit meal terminology after first posting]

New Year's Quiz 2011

2011 for me centered on my work and my family. I held down two jobs. There was the one spent at home with my kid and the other one spent away from home in front of a computer screen. I have a hard time remembering much detail from the year, which is sad. I remember a conversation I had with my friend, Becca, about the most surprising thing to me about adulthood is how incredibly routine it is. One day after another doing mostly the same exact thing. Her retort was that it doesn't have to be that way and it's up to me to make it exciting and different. That was nearly 3 years ago. I've allowed the routine to suck me in once again this year with not a whole lot to show for myself.

That said, what I most remember about the year 2011 is that I slowed down and relished the little things. I spent a lot of time with my daughter, my husband and my friends. The time we spent wasn't about taking big adventures around the country or filling each weekend with new and different ways to excite our lives. We spent our days together enjoying the simple things in life. Kudos to us.

So here goes the yearly quiz:

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Not a lot personally. Although I did send my girl off to kindergarten and found it wasn't at all sad.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't make resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My high school friend, Whitney.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thankfully. Although I found out today my parents gave it a pretty good go on their drive home from San Diego.

5. What countries did you visit?
None. I barely left San Diego. Again.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
More patience and rosier glasses.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
My week 12 OB appointment. I wrote about it here.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Taking the patent bar was a pretty huge monkey off my back. Also, I was undefeated in singles for the spring season of WTT.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Okay, I'm going to out myself with the hopes that it will result in a change for the better. My biggest failure is that I have not seen the dentist yet again. In fact, I have not been to see the dentist since 1999, which is the year I moved to San Diego. I know this is not what healthy, normal people do. I know that it will eventually lead to some serious dental issues for which I will pay dearly. I know this.

But I HATE, HATE, HATE all dentists. I've never found one I like. They are smug, condescending, and judgmental. Or at least that is how I feel when I'm reclined there in the chair listening to them scrape away the plaque and investigating any sticky, soft spots on my teeth. Ugh! Just typing about it makes me cringe.

What I need is someone to find me a great dentist that caters to chickens, won't give me grief about the state of my dental health, and won't screw me over with unnecessary procedures. That someone will also need to make the appointment for me. Oh and drive me there too.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Thankfully nothing again this year. I did throw up quite a bit during my first trimester, which probably counts.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
The Flip and the iPad were pretty cool, but they were both gifts. I suppose my Ray-Bans were a cool purchase, which I weirdly bought for myself on Father's Day (sorry, Jon). I look smashingly hip and sporty in them. They also proved to me that I actually can take care of an expensive pair of sunglasses. All it takes is a hard case in which they may be religiously stowed when not in use. So, maybe the hard case should be considered my best purchase of 2011. Except it was a gift too.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My boss. He continues to be the best boss on the planet.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
All those involved in the Penn State child molestation scandal including the Penn State students blindly defending their beloved football coach, Joe Paterno.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Same as last year and the year before – house payment and health insurance.

15. What did you get really excited about?
Seeing Kate read a book on her own.

Also, the day Kate performed simple algebra in her head. (If 15 + x = 20, then x = 5). That was pretty cool.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
I can't remember many since September, but it has to be either Baby by Justin Bieber or Crayola Doesn't Make the Color For Your Eyes by Kristin Andreassen.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you?
happier or sadder? Same
thinner or fatter? Fatter (I'm sure it's all baby weight; HA!)
richer or poorer? Richer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Traveling to new places.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Checking the website Get off My Internets. The snarkiness was contagious enough to spoil my opinion of one of the blogs I had been following.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
It was a Sun Diego Christmas this year with my parents and my brother enjoying a meal ordered out from DZ Akins.

21. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Nope.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
I don't watch much TV and can hardly name a television show. The Colbert Report is probably my favorite when I'm feeling sleepless and can stay up that late.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
"Hate" is a strong word I reserve only for dentists.

24. What was the best book you read?
I didn't read too many books this year. My favorite book was not so much because of the book itself, but rather who I spent reading it with - Kate. I read The Secret Garden to Kate this year. It was so fun to watch her get absorbed into the story. After each chapter she begged for me to read another anxious to find out what would happen next. One of my favorite things to do now is read with Kate. I find out so much about her personality, sense of humor and interests that way. She's now starting to read on her own. I believe I have instilled a love of reading that will last.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Spotify although I'm still trying to figure out how it isn't stealing.

26. What did you want and get?
A light fixture hanging over my dining room table.

27. What did you want and not get?
A smaller waistline before taking the plunge into the second child.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Breaking Dawn. Absolutely hilarious.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 39 this year. My parents, Jon and Kate met me for lunch in Del Mar at Poseidon for a front row ocean view and sea food on a gloriously warm, winter day.

That evening, Jon surprised me with early drinks and appetizers at The Prado followed by theater at the Old Globe to see Some Lovers. It was memorable not only for the fun evening he planned, but because we had really great adult conversation that didn't center on Kate or our role as parents.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Let go of all guilt and worry.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Stretchy clothes that hide my growing middle and that feel as if I'm wearing nothing at all.

32. What kept you sane?
A satisfying work life that allows me to fully enjoy my home life.

33. What is your favorite opening line of a Christmas letter you received this year?
I honestly didn't read any of the Christmas letters this year. Probably because I didn't get one from Peggy whose letter is the only one that makes me laugh.

Someone should come up with software so people can plug in a few details about their year and out pops a witty Christmas letter that is actually fun to read.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Arab Spring (duh!)

35. Who did you miss?
No one, really. But I do feel a little sad about friends that have drifted away and aren't likely to come back. They probably know who they are, but won't be reading this to know that.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
There is a new patent agent, Julie, that we hired who has already made my job a lot easier and more fun. I also met an awesome hitting partner in tennis earlier this year named Zabrina. Unfortunately, my days of competitive play are numbered.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011
My husband can pull off being a gay man quite believably.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I can never quite answer this question. Mostly because I don't have many lyrics memorized. But it would be a song about nothing much in particular happening, which is the way I felt trying to generate our Christmas card yearly timeline. And I'm sure it sounds like Radiohead's No Surprises.

From the depths of first trimester hell

I have arisen. At least somewhat.

For Jon's birthday this year, I gave him a positive pregnancy test. It was something he had been wanting for a long time. I was a little shocked by it although not surprised. If the two things are even simultaneously possible.

By week 6 I had achieved a superhuman sense of smell. The smell of the coffee maker in the morning was as if Pepe Le Pew himself had prepared it. Coffee maker coffee literally smelled like skunks to me. A latte safely ordered and brought home from Starbucks was okay. Jon cleaned out the coffee maker and stowed it away for safe keeping.

Next, was the 10 day period where everything smelled of dust. One night on the couch I couldn't stand it any longer. I had to figure out where the smell was coming from. I shoved my nose into the cushions, the blanket, my own armpits to sniff out the dust. As soon as I inhaled a big whiff, only the smell of the item remained. I carried on watching TV that night with my forefinger stuck under my nose in fake mustache style because I'd rather smell my own finger than the mysterious dust smell originating from somewhere deep inside the olfactory bulb of my brain.

week 8 - isn't that little blueberry the cutest?

In the midst of this two-week dust storm, the nausea hit me hard. That was around week 8. I felt on the verge of puking at most times throughout the day, but evenings - actually 6:45 pm to be exact - were the worst. Like being offered a shot of tequila the morning after a bender. Erp. One night after flushing the toilet and catching Kate peeking in through the bathroom door I decided it was time to tell her why momma can't get off the couch except for the nightly sprint to the toilet. Jon broke the news that night in the kitchen while I watched in anticipation of Kate's reaction. She whipped her head around to stare at me in her best "whachootalkinboutwillis" impression and said, "Where's your belly?" as if she didn't really believe us. But then she smiled the widest, most excited smile. I think she's going to be an awesome big sister. We tried to wait until she was old enough to drive the new kid around, but...well mommy is getting old. Oh, I'm sorry. She's of "advanced maternal age." At least they no longer call it "elderly."

By week 12 I was no longer throwing up. Instead, I was left with general malaise, lack of energy and no sense of humor. This sucked. All I could think about was that the second trimester honeymoon period was days away. I was going to make it. Things would get better. At my 12 week checkup I did the usual pee in a cup, have my blood pressure checked, and waited for the doc to listen to the baby's heartbeat before going on my merry way. Except there was no heartbeat on the doppler. My skin tingled a bit as I strained to listen for it, but I remembered from the first time around not being able to hear a heartbeat in the early weeks using that type of monitor.

The doc whisked me across the hallway to an exam room with the sonogram. I stared at the acoustic ceiling tiles while she smeared ice cold gel on my abdomen. My mind raced a bit remembering all the miscarriage stories I'd heard. Despite my eyes drilling holes through the ceiling, I could tell the doc was straining to see anything on the monitor. There was lots of sighing and clicking and leaning towards the screen. By then my ears had started to buzz and throb as the blood coursed through them. She ultimately gave a big sigh and said, "I'm so sorry, but there's no heartbeat." What?! She started in on the statistics of how 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage...it's very common...it's nothing I did. I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but all I could think about was how I couldn't endure two more months of feeling like shit. Did I even want to do this all over again? Not really. That was when the feelings of loss hit me. To confirm her suspicions she performed another sonogram - this time with the probe. I had started to calm down a little then, "Hey, there it is! There's the heartbeat!" The baby was stretching and moving and turning around. Heartbeat looked strong.

week 14 - no Roxy string bikini shots this time.

I'm now at week 14. I feel pretty good except for the gas and bloating and the fact my clothes don’t fit, oh and the tiredness at night. I could go on. But at least I have started to enjoy life again. The unfortunate thing is the week 12 doctor visit and my "advanced maternal age" have left me with a sense of anxiety and dread that bad news is lurking at every corner. It may be one reason why I haven't wanted to share my news with many people. Should I even mention anything in the Christmas card this year? Will I jinx us? Our friends once wrote in their Christmas cards that they purchased a new property only to have the sale fall through during escrow after mailing them out. See?!

This is the first I’ve written about my experience and certainly the first I’ve dared to photograph my hugely flabby mid-section (at least that’s what it feels like to me). I bought a journal several weeks ago as I did when I was pregnant with Kate. The journal sits next to my bed waiting for even a tiny scratch of the pen on its pages. I already feel the guilt. Am I doing (or can I ever do) all I can for the second child as I did for the first? Unlikely. But I’m willing to give it a go and see what happens.

Cultivating Confidence

City Tree is closed for the week and Kate's first day of Kindergarten is still a week away. So we're taking turns with another family watching each other's kids. It works out well because Renee and Andrew are two of Kate's favorites. And aside from Kate and Andrew's occasional Bickerson moments the three of them get along well.

Kate was dressed and raring to go over to Renee and Andrew's house this morning before I could even squint one eye open. On our way to the car, she grabbed a notepad and pen to make a couple doodles for her friends. She drew for Renee a cat decorated with stickers. For Andrew, she sketched a Batman with big, strong muscles on each arm and a heart next to her name. She was quite proud of those sketches as she joined me in the car. Upon arriving at the house, Kate proudly handed Andrew the Batman doodle she made. I noticed Kate's confidence in her artwork slowly drain away from her slumping shoulders as Andrew looked at her drawing. She quickly added, "It's Batman, but I sort of messed it up." It was such a classic defense mechanism and made me sad to witness it.

As a parent I do all I can to cultivate confidence in my child. I acknowledge Kate's accomplishments without gushing. I recognize her special talents and things she does well without making a big deal of srew-ups. I try to encourage her during her struggles without jumping in to save her from them. I emphasize trying new things and the value of practice. I listen to her opinions and give her responsibilities so she can contribute to the family on a daily basis. I try to be a good example for her as a happy, self-confident woman myself. But. None of this compares to what her peers think.

Today's scene is just a glimmer of what is to come once Kate starts school. She has a set of strong values and a good foundation for high self-esteem. We'll continue to support her as we've done all along, but her opinion of herself will ultimately be on her shoulders. I just hope those shoulders don't slump over at the first sign of peer scrutiny.

Call it a "reproduction" not a knock-off

Last week, inspired by Kate's love for Ramona the Pest, we walked the two convenient blocks down to our local branch library to pick up a few more Ramona stories. All stocked up on Beverly Cleary, we turned towards the exit when I noticed these awesome low-slung wooden lounge chairs. I flipped one over to see if there was an Ikea label stuck to the bottom of the seat board. Instead, I read "Herman Miller Eames." Assured they wouldn't check one out to me, I researched where I might purchase one of these modern beauties for my own house. That was when I discovered they retail for around 800 bucks a pop! Considering the City of San Diego is basically broke, I assume these 8 chairs and their two matching tables must have been donated.

So...where should this modern-aesthetic gal find one of these for her own office? Enter Google Shopping. A few keywords and a few clicks later I'm staring at (ahem) a reproduction of the very same Eames lounge chair I had discovered that afternoon projected on my screen. A few days and a few customer service issues later I'm now sitting in said reproduction. It's not quite Herman Miller, but it's oh-so-comfy-and-stylish.

I bought the chair from EZMod Furniture, although considering the sloppy service, I wouldn't exactly recommend them for your next modern classic purchase.